November 28, 2018

My grandmother’s house in Saginaw, MI before she passed away. I lived here with her for several years growing up.

My grandmother’s house in Saginaw, MI before she passed away. I lived here with her for several years growing up.

Round here, everybody's always talking about home,' said Balfour. 'Can't help think that the pleasure's in the missing.” ― Eleanor Catton, "The Luminaries"

Settling in back at home and at work after a week back in the mitten state. It’s getting stranger and stranger going back, if I’m being honest. It’s always good to see everybody and old haunts, but the longer I’m in Oregon the more Michigan’s problems become glaringly obvious. From roads that will shake your fillings out, to dying downtowns trying their damnedest to hold on, it’s rough to be there for any length of time. Hell, even the skies are a different sort of gray than Oregon’s, and that’s saying a lot. At least here the sky moves and swirls and lets the light through, its rains giving the trees life and keeping things emerald.

It was good to see my family. However, things haven’t been amazing for them. Eric lost his job at the dealership and Brad is going through a divorce. Mom had her double mastectomy a couple months ago and even though she’s handling her chemo really well, it’s still scary. She’s lost her hair, but she looks healthy, if not more tired than usual. The doctors seem very positive about her prognosis. I know they’ll all get through this. My dad is also retiring soon, so I’m excited to see how they get to enjoy that.

It was great to see my nephew Lincoln, old friends, my Gran in Detroit. I visited my other grandmother’s grave and her old house where we used to live, in Saginaw.

Back here, we’re cozied up for the holidays and sloshy weather, waiting for our baby to get here. Last night we had a birthing class, which was really eye-opening to me. Shar went last week with her mom since I wasn’t in town, but last night was my first class. The teacher is great. She was a doula for a lot of years and she’s a mother of 3, so she really knows her stuff and is giving us a lot of details on what to expect when Sharayah goes into labor. I’m feeling more confident about it already. I think Sharayah is, too. Two more months and everything will change. Something people can’t seem to stop reminding me about in their weird smugness like no one has ever gone through it but them.

As for my health, I’m just a month away from not having had a cigarette in 2 years. I haven’t vaped in about 5 months. I’m about 9 months into vegetarianism. I’ve gained probably close to 10 pounds between the quitting smoking and quitting meat. My cholesterol is way down. I changed gyms, to one close to my work, so I can walk there on my lunch break. I’ve been going every day. It’s awesome. I’ve also been taking the train to work everyday, which gets me walking even more. So hopefully in a few months this can help me shed some of the pounds. Of all the things that have changed for the better, my weight has been one of the few things getting me down. But I will get it done, I will.